ADD at Home and
in the Workplace
 

Attention deficits (ADD) and hyperactivity (ADHD) can create havoc in the
modern home and workplace with tight schedules, easy access to highly
stimulating activities, and decreased opportunities for physical exertion.
Until proper diagnosis is obtained, problems are often attributed to
stupidity, poor motivation, and immorality. Once the disorder is recognized,
many options for modifying difficulties become available. The first step is to
recognize the part ADD plays in relationship and group situations. Further
insights on ADD and families can be found in Driven to Distraction by
Edward Hallowell and John Ratey (Simon & Schuster, 1995).

PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIPS

A vicious cycle happens when ADD children chronically fail to do chores,
complete schoolwork, get up on time, and come home late. As punishments
become more severe, children grow increasingly defiant, less cooperative,
and more alienated. Over time, the youngster with ADD becomes the
“problem child” and other family members feel ignored. When diagnoses or
treatment is received after years of struggling, family members may have
difficulty overcoming guilt or resentment. Several steps can help:

• The diagnosis of ADD needs to be made and understood. Even
  when the concept of ADD is accepted, family members may resist
  looking at it as a neurological condition that cannot be controlled at
  will.

• Hidden issues need to be addressed. There may be “payoffs” from
  having a problem child. Focusing all the attention on one person may
  help parents avoid their conflicts or siblings escape scrutiny.

• Family members need to adopt realistic expectations of anyone with
  ADD and accept the need for more task monitoring and gentle
  reminders. It is best to designate one or two people for this job so
  those with ADD do not feel like they have too many bosses. Often, it
  is best for people to choose who is to act as the coach or monitor
  and have other family members work through that person.

• Negotiate and clearly define deadlines for tasks and limits for
  intrusive behavior. Consequences need to be spelled out and
  contracts signed if necessary.

• Develop routines to manage especially difficult times: doing
  homework, getting ready in the morning, dinnertime, bedtime,
  choosing TV shows, and spending family time together. Brainstorm
  solutions when the problem is not occurring.

• Make special efforts to mention positive qualities and tiny
  improvements. If positives cannot be found, tasks are not being
  broken down into doable parts.

• Set aside specific time for everyone in the family. Non-ADD children
  need to have one-on-one time with parents and parents need to go
  on “dates.” Everyone needs to have private time alone and time
  away from the family.

• Develop outside sources of support in the extended family, with
  professionals, or with support groups.

COUPLES AND OTHER RELATIONSHIPS

Similar vicious cycles happen when one person in a relationship has ADD.
Symptoms of forgetfulness, disorganization, distractibility, and
impulsiveness annoy the other person. That person becomes increasingly
critical, and the partner with ADD withdraws; criticism mounts, and the
added stress increases ADD symptoms. Often, spontaneous, creative ADD
people and organized perfectionists are drawn to each other because they
seek what they lack in themselves. This greatly compounds problems.
However, there are solutions. The above steps can be adapted to couples
with a few additional pointers:

• Take time to understand the impact the disorder has on
  relationships. People with ADD need to realize their partner’s
  frustrations and partners need to recognize the constant devaluing
  people with ADD experience.

• Overcome relationship extremes. People with ADD must make a
  commitment to learn strategies that manage symptoms. Partners
  need to value positive qualities, develop realistic expectations, focus
  on one change at a time, notice improvements, and use a sense of
  humor. Avoid master-slave patterns in which one person does all the
  work, or parent-child relationships in which one person is
  overbearing and critical.

• Make specific requests and brainstorm solutions. Use lists, bulletin
  boards, and note pads. Designate specific places for must-find items
  and overorganize!

• Delegate tasks according to ability. Structured people can handle
  jobs that demand organization, and ADD partners can take over
  those that require creativity and energy.

• Blame the condition, not the person. Recognize ADD tendencies of
  inattention, preoccupation, busyness, or flash anger. Plan time to
  spend together for leisure, romance, and communication. Agree on
  strategies to manage temper and impulsivity.

• Recognize the impact of the disorder on sexuality. People with ADHD
  may use sex as a form of intense stimulation to help them focus. Due
  to impulsiveness, infidelity can occur. Understanding the source of
  the problem, medication that aids self-control, and planning ways to
  manage temptation can help. People with ADD may have problems
  with arousal and orgasm due to difficulties focusing on bodily
  sensations. Discussing the problem and providing additional erotic
  stimuli (talking, fantasy, or music) can suppress nonsexual
  preoccupations.

THE WORKPLACE

Due to inexhaustible energy, the need to keep busy, and creativity, people
with ADHD can be ideal workers in some jobs. Other people have difficulty
keeping jobs due to lack of punctuality, disorganization, and
outspokenness. ADD is a disability protected by the Americans with
Disabilities Act of 1990.1 Diagnosis and treatment by qualified
professionals is a prerequisite to use of the law. Employers may be
required to make “reasonable accommodations” (structure, reminders,
reduction of distractions, and flexibility on deadlines), but employees need
to demonstrate that they are making every effort to cooperate with
treatment and learn strategies that manage symptoms.
    

Reference

Contact the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission, 1801 L Street NW,
Washington, DC 20507, 202-663-4900, www.eeoc.gov for information
about this law.