Rising Sun Psychotherapy & Nuevo Amanecer
Michele Boudreau, PhD, MFT, LMHC

Levels of Differentiation

 

Are you able to express your differences from others while still feeling
caring and connected to them? Most people can do this easily when their
stress level is low. To gain a better sense of how far you have come in
expressing your individuality and differentiating from others, examine the
way you operate during crises and conflict.

Undifferentiated Person                              Differentiated Person

 

 

 

 














































 

Reference

Murray Bowen’s ideas on differentiation are summarized in Family Therapy
in Clinical Practice (Jason Aronson, 1978).

Internet Copyright

Indifference & Intolerance

 

Concern & Toleration

I have few preferences and
like others to make decisions.

1 2 3 4 5

I am aware of my preference,

even if I choose to go along
with others.

My opinions, beliefs, and principles are almost identical to my family’s, friends’, or church’s.

1 2 3 4 5

 I have questioned the beliefs of my fam­ily, friends, and religion before reaching my own conclusions.

I am easily swayed by others’
viewpoints.

1 2 3 4 5

I consider others’ ideas and
choose whether or not to
change my own.

I try to get others to see things my way or I try to defend myself.

1 2 3 4 5

I can state my position without attacking others or defending myself.

When my preferences differ
from others, I either win or
lose.

1 2 3 4 5

I can make compromises
without fear of giving up parts
of myself.

I express my beliefs with the words “We think . . ., I agree with . . .”

1 2 3 4 5

I express my beliefs with the
words “I think . . .”

I prefer to be with people whose views are similar to my own.

1 2 3 4 5

I enjoy points of view that
differ from my own.

Emotions Rule Intellect

 

Intellect Rules Emotions

My reactions are usually
caused by others.

1 2 3 4 5

I can reason, reflect, and evaluate my re­actions to people and events.

I am rarely emotional, OR I have “knee-jerk” reactions.

1 2 3 4 5

I am able to experience passionate emo­tions without losing myself.

When I am emotional, I seem
to lose my powers of reason.

1 2 3 4 5

My intellect and logic rule my
emotions.

My decisions are based on
instinct and what “feels” right.

1 2 3 4 5

I am able to think through my
decisions.

 I often don’t know the reasons for my decisions.

1 2 3 4 5

I am aware of the reasons for
my decisions.

When others are in conflict, I
am drawn to take sides.

1 2 3 4 5

During conflict, I see both
sides of the issue.

Other-Oriented Goals

 

Self-Serving Goals

It is hard for me to act without
others’ love and approval.

1 2 3 4 5

I can risk losing others’
approval when something is
important to me.

I feel angry, hurt, or resentful
when others don’t approve of
me.

1 2 3 4 5

I am temporarily sad or feel
calm when others withhold
approval.
1