Social Skills
 

Very often people who have attention deficits (ADD) or hyperactivity
(ADHD) feel isolated from peers. Both disorders affect socialization by
causing intrusiveness or lack of attention. In mild cases people can be
taught coping skills. Although medication can decrease aggression and
disruptiveness and improve focusing, people may need to learn ways to
interact that they missed in their premedication days. The following games
and activities are designed for use in classrooms and social skills groups.
They can also be adapted for family activities, Sunday school, support
groups, or scout meetings and can be redesigned as consequences for
undesirable behavior.

RESPECTING BOUNDARIES

• Practice respecting personal space by playing Run-&-Stop. One
  person runs towards another who is the “stopper.” The runner must
  halt before invading the stopper’s “comfort zone.” Make the game
  more challenging by having people skip or hop and use a stopwatch
  to combine the ability to be both fast and respectful of personal
  space. Feedback can be given on how well the runner did. Use
  yardsticks to measure each person’s personal comfort zone.

• Practice respecting others’ moods by playing Approach-Retreat. One
  person is “it” and nonverbally expresses an emotion she reads on a
  card—bored, tired, excited, mad, lonely, mischievous, sad, hostile, or
  friendly. Each person in the group must decide how many steps to
  walk towards or away from the person who is it, and what words (or
  silence) would make the best contact. Both observers and the person
  who is it can give feedback on which approaches or retreats seemed
  best.

INTERACTING

• Teach eye contact by playing Laser. Several people sit in a circle.
  Everyone is given a scrap of paper. The person with an “L” on his or
  her scrap is the “laser.” Whoever that person makes eye contact with
  is “wiped-out” and announces, “I’m down.” At any time people who
  are still in the game can guess who is the laser. If the guess is
  correct, the round is over, if the guess is wrong, the guessor is out.

• Practice showing interest by playing Bla Bla Bla. Choose a panel of
  listeners and one speaker. The speaker gives a talk by saying
  nothing but, “Bla, Bla, Bla . . .” The group votes on which listener
  appears most interested by making eye contact, leaning forward, or
  nodding. The group can feed back exactly what each person did to
  appear interested. The game can be made more challenging by
  instructing the speaker to be as boring as possible. Use a stopwatch
  and gradually increase the length of the game.

• Practice conversation starters by playing People Openers. Group
  members write questions that they would like to know about the
  person who is “it”—facts, beliefs, opinions, and interests. Encourage
  people to put their curiosity in charge. Every question is signed but
  read anonymously. The people who are “it” rate how open or closed
  each question made them feel on a 0–10 scale. Totally inappropriate
  questions can be censored. This is a good game for parents who
  often don’t know how to start conversations with their children.

• Practice conversation keepers with listening circles. One person
  expresses a feeling or role-plays a comment that bothered him or
  her. The next person makes a listening response. Speakers (or the
  group) give a percentage rating of how well the person was heard.
  Responses can be scored. To make the game more interesting the
  speaker can throw a beanbag to the person who will make a listening
  response that rephrases the thought (1 Pt.), labels the feeling

          (2 Pts.) or Validate (3 Pts.)—“It sounds like you’re saying. . . . Do you
          feel . . . ? It makes sense that you would feel . . . because. . . .”

• Practice greetings by playing Turn-on/Turn-off. People in the group
  are given a card with a feeling (perky, bored, superior, inferior,
  annoyed) or a situation (seeing an old friend, faking it with someone
  you don’t like, or making someone feel special.) They choose a
  greeting that would express the feeling or situation—Hi, Hello, What’s
  up? How you doing? How are? A spinner is used to choose who will
  receive the greeting. The recipient and group discuss if the greeting
  was a turn-on or turn-off without knowing what was on the card. This
  game can generate humorous, inviting greetings.

HANDLING EMOTIONS

• Practice positive attitudes by asking for a rephrase. Simply say, “I’ll
  need to hear you say that differently before you go to recess, lunch,
  or get out of your seat.” Play Instant Rewind as a group activity.
  Parents or teachers repeat their comment and who- ever responds in
  the best tone gets a reward.

• Practice expressing feelings without anger with Assertive Language
  Circles: Place an empty chair in the center of a circle. Each person
  makes a statement that starts with “You” to someone they imagine
  sitting in the chair—“You are . . .” “You make me feel . . .” Go around
  the circle three more times changing the you-statement into one that
  starts with the words “I” or makes a request—

            (1) “I feel . . . when you. . . .”
            (2) “Would you . . ., . . ., or. . . .”
            (3) “I will (not) . . . if you. . . .”

• Practice handling conflicts by playing Resolution. Have the group
  write down examples of conflicts they’ve experienced. Partners role-
  play resolving the conflict by stating it clearly, considering the other
  person’s ideas, staying focused on the issue and generating at least
  3 solutions—“I want . . . and you want. . . .” “I know you’re concerned
  about . . . and I think we can get around that by. . . .” “Let’s get back
  to. . . .” The group rates how well each pair resolved the conflict.
  Extra points can be given for expressing confidence and using the
  words “and” and “we”—“You think . . . and I think. . . .” “I’m sure we
  can resolve this.”

• Practice dealing with rejections and rudeness by playing Bully Bust.
  People write an insult, criticism or comment that has or would bother
  them. Comments are signed but read anonymously. Whoever is “it”
  makes a “bully bust” that defuses the put-down. Points are taken
  away if the retort is an attack, defense or withdrawal and points are
  given if the response makes a bully bust by:

1. Treating cruelty as kindness—“Why, thank you. Are you trying to
   help me. . . ?”
   

2. Using humor to distract and confuse—“You say that like it’s a bad
   thing.”
   

3. Asking questions to find the cause of meanness—“What’s really
   bothering you?”
   

4. Setting limits—“I’ll talk to you when you’re in a better mood.”
   

References

Topics for activities were taken from Beyond Ritalin by Garber, Garber &
Spizman (HarperPerennia, 1996)

See How to Handle Bullies, Teasers and other Meanies, a parent-child
resource, by Kate Cohen-Posey (Lakeland, Fl: Rainbow Books, 1995)