Extra Help for ADD & ADHD
 

It is especially important for people with attention deficits (ADD) and
hyperactivity (ADHD) to have help from family and friends. Often, people
with these disorders are the last to realize they are “out of sync” with others
and need feedback. Until they build internal controls by learning routines
and habits, they will need external structure from those who care about
them. Mark any strategies below that you would like others to use, or that
would help you help your loved one.

• Find sources of support. Having an ADHD person in the family can
  be exhausting. Join groups that understand this condition and offer
  useful tips.

• Read everything you can to help you understand ADD. The more
  you understand, the less responsible you will feel for causing or
  controlling problems, and the better you will be able to manage them.

• Know your limits. Make a “Do Not Disturb” sign for moments when
  you must regain your strength. If you catch exhaustion soon enough,
  you will revive faster.

• Make agreements ahead of time on behaviors that go overboard.
  Make sure that ADHD people understand their impact on others. Plan
  brief time-outs when energy gets overcharged. If necessary, put time-
  out contracts in writing.

• Ask people with ADD what best helps them stay on task or calm
  down. Personal insight is often overlooked.

• Expect to give reminders about chores and errands. This can be
  done in a patient and loving way once the problem is understood.
  Make lists and keep calendars of the family schedule and give
  advanced warnings about any changes.

• Don’t make excuses or do things for people with ADD because it is
  easier. With proper incentives, reminders, monitoring, and
  breakdown of tasks, responsible habits can be learned.

• During conversations or when giving directions, ask for feedback—
  “Did that make sense? What did I just say?” Use a timer. Do not let
  one person speak for too long. Let ADD people know when you are
  losing their point.

• Ask questions that encourage self-awareness—“Do you know what
  you just did?”

• Encourage understanding of ADD of everyone who has contact with
  people with the disorder: family, friends, and, most important, the
  people themselves. Make it clear that some of the greatest geniuses
  of our time have had ADD. The intelligent part of the mind can be
  very strong, but the part of the brain that blocks unneeded
  movement and distractions may be underenergized.

FRIENDLY CAUTIONS

Find people who appreciate and understand you and make an effort to stay
in touch with them. Don’t stay too long where you’re not wanted. Avoid
people who give advice that makes you feel uncomfortable or who refuse to
believe in ADD. Find a coach who will help you get organized, stay on task,
offer encouragement, signal you if you’re talking too much, or interrupt if
you are in hyperfocus. Choose someone who is objective and positive for
home, school, or work.

Keep others informed in subtle ways—“I get distracted easily so let me
know if I’m getting off the topic,” “I can move around a lot, so tell me if it
bothers you.” Learn to joke about yourself without putting yourself down—“I’
m one of those clueless geniuses.” If others demean you, handle it lightly—
“They’ll never let you in the ADD support group if you talk like that.” “I’m
trying out for the Albert Einstein award this year.”

NATIONAL NETWORKS, SUPPORT GROUPS, AND OTHER RESOURCES

As more is learned about ADD, the number of support groups, newsletters,
and books for individuals and families grows. Many organizations and
books offer important advice on how to advocate for yourself or your child
at school or in the workplace:

• Children and Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder (CHADD): Suite
  201, 8181 Professional Place, Landover, MD 20785, 800-233-4050,
  301-306-7070, www.chadd.org.

• National Attention Deficit Disorder Association (NADDA): PO Box
  1303, Northbrook, IL 60065-1303, www.add.org.

• ADDvance Resource Site for Women & Girls with ADD: www.addvance.com. 

• One ADD Place (an excellent internet site): www.oneaddplace.com.

• Books for Adults: You Mean I’m Not Lazy, Crazy, Stupid or Dumb by
  Kelly and Ramundo, 1995; Driven to Distraction by Hallowell & Ratey
  (Simon & Schuster, 1994).

• Books for Parents: Maybe You Know My Kid by Fowler, Beyond
  Ritalin, by Garber, Garber, and Spizman (Harper Perennial, 1996);
  Attention Deficit Disorder and the Law by Latham and Latham, 1992;
  Taking Charge of ADHD by Barkley (Guilford Press, 1995.)

• Books for Children: Shelly the Hyperactive Turtle (Ages 3-7) by
  Moss, 1989; Putting on the Brakes Ages 8-12) by Quinn, 1992:
  Learning to Slow Down and Pay Attention (Ages 6-12);
  Help4ADD@Highschool by Nadeau, 1998.

MEDICATION

Sometimes, an accurate diagnosis of ADD and education is all that is
needed to manage problems. When behavior strategies or alternative
treatments (herbs, diet, or biofeedback) are not helpful, it may be essential
to try medication. Stimulants are the drug of choice, they are not addicting
for people with ADD and will not remain in a person’s system after being
discontinued. Some people can stop using medication as their
organizational skills improve; others will continue to need them in
adulthood. For the 20% to 25% of people who are not helped by stimulants,
certain antidepressants will be effective and are especially important if
moodiness is a part of the problem.

PROFESSIONAL HELP

Education and coaching to learn behavior strategies and social skills may
be more important than counseling for the actual neurological disorder of
ADD. However, until it is diagnosed, there may be much damage caused by
family and relationship problems, not to mention academic or other trauma.
Often, medication will be needed to provide sufficient focus to work through
past difficulties. Counselors may need to be directive, as people with ADD
can lose track of their therapeutic agenda.