Extreme Measures
for Extreme Behavior
 

In extreme cases, children lose all sense of boundaries and wantonly
destroy property, defy teachers, assault peers, and even physically attack
their parents. They are testing the ability of adults in their lives to provide
external controls until they can internalize the ability to govern themselves.
Monstrous behavior can happen when children are:

• Not bonded with or have lost a bond with an important caretaker.

• In an alliance with another adult against a parent.

• Acting out rage against a parent who has violated or abandoned
  them.

• Acting out rage against a caretaker with whom they feel safe.

It can be necessary to restrain these children until struggling gives way to
crying and deep relaxation. The basic strategy is to create a “strait jacket”
for children by crossing their arms and holding their hands from behind.
Parents can straddle children without using their full weight or can wrap
their legs around children to prevent them from kicking. The relative
proportions of parent-child strengths and body builds make some positions
more practical than others. If parents have any doubts about their ability to
assume or maintain a position, they should wait until another adult is
available to assist. When done properly, the parent appears calm,
confident, and unemotional.