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Sex Facts Checklist
Directions: Discuss each of the following generalizations about male/female 
sexuality with your partner to find out if any are accurate to your 
relationship:


Sexual Drives, Desires, and Rejection

• Men need sex to feel connected.

• Women need to feel connected (through talking, romance, or 
  affection) to want sex.

 

• Men are usually aware of sexual urges prior to sexual contact.

• Women often are not aware of feeling aroused until they are sexually 
  stimulated.

 

• Tension and stress can trigger a man’s arousal system and aid 
  performance.

• Women need to relax and open up to enjoy sex.  Stress and 
  constantly caring for others can inhibit sexual responsiveness.

 

• Unusual ideas or waking a man up to have sex can excite him 
  because of the above.

• Pressuring a woman to try “unusual” activities or waking her up to 
  have sex can kill her desire.

 

• Sexual rejection will feel doubly painful when a man is aroused. After 
  too much rejection, a man may lose his sexual desires.

• A woman needs to feel safe to say “No” to sex, or she may lose her 
  desire to say “Yes.”

 

• When women initiate sex regularly, men can feel worse about 
  themselves (due to performance pressure) and eventually lose all 
  interest. A man needs clear messages that his partner loves sex with 
  him (without feeling pressure to perform) to maintain interest.

• Women may appreciate a man regularly initiating sex as long as he 
  can read her “signals” when she is too exhausted or tense and be 
  willing to settle for hugs and cuddles.

 

• Expressing confidence in a man’s sexual expertise can arouse him.

• When a man appears confident in his sexual expertise, a woman may 
  feel aroused.

 

• Sexual discussions can turn a man off if he isn’t in the mood.

• Talking about a woman’s feelings without pressure to have sex can 
  help her mood.

Arousals and Orgasms

• A man first needs direct stimulation of his penis to “wake up” other 
  erogenous zones (testicles, perineum, or other areas.)

• A woman may first need her least erogenous zones (feet, thighs, 
  etc.) caressed for her to be comfortable having her breasts, nipples, 
  or clitoris stimulated.

 

• Men need a direct approach for an orgasm, which can take five 
  minutes or less.

• Women need an indirect, teasing approach (moving toward and away 
  from erogenous zones), which can take 20 minutes or more.

 

• Men are usually consistently capable of orgasms due to steady levels 
  of testosterone.

• Women are not always capable of having orgasms or enjoying 
  certain types of touch due to constantly changing ratios of estrogen, 
  progesterone, and testosterone.

 

• Men may be more likely to have one routine sexual approach due to 
  consistent hormonal levels.

• Women may need different types or amounts of stimulation because 
  of varying hormone levels.

 

• Men need orgasms to be satisfied because sexual pleasure comes 
  from releasing tension.

• Women can be satisfied with closeness without having an orgasm 
  because they enjoy the building of tension and like the intimacy that 
  comes with penetration.

 

• Men need occasional quickies to maintain sexual interest and have 
  the patience to  regularly focus on their partner’s needs.

• Women need quickies for times when they are not capable of having 
  orgasms or when they are too exhausted for longer lovemaking.

 

• Arousal enhances a man’s visual appreciation of his partner’s body.

• Insecurities about appearance unnecessarily inhibit a woman’s 
  sexual desires.

 

• When a women responds with sexual sounds, men feel validated and aroused.

• When a man makes love verbally (“I love your . . .” “You’re so . . .”) 
  women are often aroused because they feel a sense of connection 
  and are reassured about their bodies.

 

• A man can be pushed out of control or turned off if a woman takes 
  charge and tries too hard. A woman’s sexual responses will arouse a 
  man and help him last longer.

• A woman’s orgasms will be inhibited either by pressuring her to or by 
  not giving her     opportunities to have a climax.  If sex regularly lasts 
  too long, passion can die for both     sexes.

 

• After his orgasm a man’s desire disappears.

• After her orgasm, a woman can enjoy penetration.  It will not matter to 
  her how long her  partner’s erection lasts if he gives her the 
  opportunity to have an orgasm first.

 
Reference
These “facts” are adapted from Men Are from Mars, Women Are from 
Venus by John Gray (HarperCollins, 1992)